Clorox Wipes and Pull-Ups

So there we were sitting in room 105: Nursery Room A, approximately 4 minutes after the close of Sacrament meeting. We should have known it was going to be a rough day when we quickly discovered the other Nursery leaders were out of town and WE were the proud recipients of their class. Combining the two nursery classes gave us a total of 18 kids; 7 boys, 9 girls, and 2 kids we were unsure of their gender. Prying screaming kids off of their parents consisted of the first 5 minutes of class. Nothing new here, happens every Sunday. Distraction with toys quickly remedies the problem.

Things were relatively under control until we discovered two of the kids had exceptionally snotty noses. Over the next 90 minutes, Donna and I were kept very busy wiping these runny noses every few minutes and gagging everytime we felt the warm, gooey, germ-ridden SLIME fill up the crumpled toilet paper.

About 15 minutes into class, the smell of "Poopy Diaper" began to wift ever so gently throughout the room. At 16 minutes into class, the smell was suffocating the room and Donna happily discovered the lone window in the nursery room was fastened shut with bolts. Those DARN black bolts deprived us of precious gulps of fresh air. I quickly hit the ground and began sniffing every one of those 18 bums. The "Poopy Diaper" smell was so thick that it sabotaged my sense of smell and very soon all bums smelled the same. So we were hopelessly stuck in the room without knowing who the poopy culprit was. I totally felt like we were Jon and Kate Plus Eighteen! A few breathtaking minutes later we finally caught the little stinker and off we went to the bathroom (there is a small bathroom conveniently located inside the nursery room). Only problem was, the kid was wearing pull-ups and Poop does not do well in pull ups. Needless to say, I soon had poop on my right hand and was desperately searching the cupboards for Clorox wipes....gagging all the way. At this very moment, a child who shall remain anonymous but looking very much like the punk in the picture below, went postal and began hitting every child within reach.

Donna sprang into action and practically tackled the tike in midair as she lept across numerous kids playing on the floor. Three children immediately began screaming after being hit by this bully. I couldn't do much to help as I had crap dripping from my right hand. The three toddlers wailed in unison as the instigator of this beating quietly went back to playing with his toy train. I'm sure the Bishop wondered what the heck was going on in the Nursery Room!

Coloring time quieted the children down and the activity was a success with the exception that one child thought it would be fun to use a purple crayon on my nice white dress shirt. Things certainly couldn't get any worse....right? Well, this just wasn't our day because shortly after the kids stopped coloring, a lovely two year old girl began.....THROWING UP! Oh, you don't even know the fear I have of puking! It is truly one of the most traumatic trials of this mortal existence. So there I stood, drippy snot on my left hand, poop on my right hand, purple crayon on my white shirt, and vomit on my right shoe. I felt like showering in 409 disinfectant spray just as soon as I made it home from Church. Lucky for me a woman walked in and cleaned up the mess on the carpet. She surely was an Angel from on high because HE knows I don't do well cleaning barf out of carpet. For all you soon-to-be parents out there, you've got a special time awaiting you when your kids get sick! Well, I'll close this dramatic story by saying that We've got six days to recover and recuperate before we walk into room 105: Nursery Room A to do it all over again.